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Monday, June 30, 2008
I'm Not Dating No Shark
Over the scope of almost exactly 2 years, I became involved with four girls I should not have been involved with for many different reasons, which I guess sort of reserves me a spot in the biggest dumbasses in America All Star Club (and if you knew the story of girls 3 and 4, a first class ticket straight to hell). I have spent the past year of my life beating myself up over the ones that got away, and the ones that fucked me over and the ones that I fucked up, constantly dissecting every moment of my love life to figure out who went wrong and where, and what I can do so that the next time that I trick myself into feeling feelings, that that one will be the one. The more I think about it though, the more I think that there isn’t the one, and that everyone is destined to constantly fuck themselves and everyone else over, and I owe this epiphany completely to the movie Jaws.
During the last weeks of my 22 year on this planet, I sort of half accidentally watched Jaws for the first time. That is to say that I didn’t watch Jaws on accident because I turned on TBS and thought I was watching Deep Blue Sea (arguably the best movie ever to discuss the complex nature of mega intelligent super sharks that can swim backwards); the accidental nature of my first viewing of Jaws was simply because I honestly thought I had already seen the aforementioned shark film. Between studying it in film classes and watching enough shitty documentaries on Bravo that make mention of it, I had seen the iconic scenes and images and heard the theme song so many goddamn times that I had honestly convinced myself that I have somehow watched Jaws from beginning to end sometime in my life. I knew the major plot points and knew what I wanted out of the movie, and just sort of put it together in my head and convinced myself that that was Jaws.
We do this all the time in our love lives. For example, I accidentally hurt a girl who really liked me, even thoughshe really didn’t know me at all. I was incredibly destroyed by a girl who I only knew for about a month and a half, and I watched a friend split and get back together with his girlfriend 3 times over 5 years. The problem with human relationships is that we know what we want, but we are all either too lazy to make it work, or too blind to see that it isn’t working. The girl that I ended up hurting didn’t know anything about me other than I like to play in punk rock bands, I sort of dig tattoos and I think Lemuria is a totally kick ass band. What happened, though, is she took these things, and figured out a way to apply them to the type of person she wanted me to be, and, voila, she is roped into digging who does in fact like tattoos, Lemuria, and punk rock, but also is sort of a giant dickhead (who in all actuality only marginally like the previously mentioned things). I feel pretty terrible because when things started to happen and she got to really examine what was going on here, she probably realized that I am nothing worth the time of day, which is pretty much exactly how I felt when I finished watching Jaws. Kind of fell somewhere between the “meh” and “eh” category [1].
The last girl to really completely shatter my heart was not the person I thought she was, even though she turned out to be a pretty awesome person in the end (this makes her more like On the Road by Jack Kerouac than anything else). Another girl I was once involved with is now married to a guy that she dumped to be with me, only to dump me to eventually wed. Long story short: everyone knows what they want, but no one actually has it. In lamens terms: we’re all fucking crazy.
I have friends my age getting married and know people my age having kids, and I wish nothing but the best for all of them. But the more I diagnose myself and the types of girls I like (and there is most certainly a theme with them all [2]), the more I begin to feel that I will never find true love. And that’s fine, I suppose.
But I really enjoyed Jaws a whole fuck of a lot more before I actually saw it.
================================
1) This is probably the most accurate description of my worth as a dating partner, ever
2) and that theme is “fucked up.”
During the last weeks of my 22 year on this planet, I sort of half accidentally watched Jaws for the first time. That is to say that I didn’t watch Jaws on accident because I turned on TBS and thought I was watching Deep Blue Sea (arguably the best movie ever to discuss the complex nature of mega intelligent super sharks that can swim backwards); the accidental nature of my first viewing of Jaws was simply because I honestly thought I had already seen the aforementioned shark film. Between studying it in film classes and watching enough shitty documentaries on Bravo that make mention of it, I had seen the iconic scenes and images and heard the theme song so many goddamn times that I had honestly convinced myself that I have somehow watched Jaws from beginning to end sometime in my life. I knew the major plot points and knew what I wanted out of the movie, and just sort of put it together in my head and convinced myself that that was Jaws.
We do this all the time in our love lives. For example, I accidentally hurt a girl who really liked me, even thoughshe really didn’t know me at all. I was incredibly destroyed by a girl who I only knew for about a month and a half, and I watched a friend split and get back together with his girlfriend 3 times over 5 years. The problem with human relationships is that we know what we want, but we are all either too lazy to make it work, or too blind to see that it isn’t working. The girl that I ended up hurting didn’t know anything about me other than I like to play in punk rock bands, I sort of dig tattoos and I think Lemuria is a totally kick ass band. What happened, though, is she took these things, and figured out a way to apply them to the type of person she wanted me to be, and, voila, she is roped into digging who does in fact like tattoos, Lemuria, and punk rock, but also is sort of a giant dickhead (who in all actuality only marginally like the previously mentioned things). I feel pretty terrible because when things started to happen and she got to really examine what was going on here, she probably realized that I am nothing worth the time of day, which is pretty much exactly how I felt when I finished watching Jaws. Kind of fell somewhere between the “meh” and “eh” category [1].
The last girl to really completely shatter my heart was not the person I thought she was, even though she turned out to be a pretty awesome person in the end (this makes her more like On the Road by Jack Kerouac than anything else). Another girl I was once involved with is now married to a guy that she dumped to be with me, only to dump me to eventually wed. Long story short: everyone knows what they want, but no one actually has it. In lamens terms: we’re all fucking crazy.
I have friends my age getting married and know people my age having kids, and I wish nothing but the best for all of them. But the more I diagnose myself and the types of girls I like (and there is most certainly a theme with them all [2]), the more I begin to feel that I will never find true love. And that’s fine, I suppose.
But I really enjoyed Jaws a whole fuck of a lot more before I actually saw it.
================================
1) This is probably the most accurate description of my worth as a dating partner, ever
2) and that theme is “fucked up.”
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
w/ Jena Berlin
August 27: Asbury Lanes (Asbury Park, N) philidelphia
August 28: Rochester, NY
August 29: New Brunswick, NY
August 30: Lost and Found Bar (Brooklyn, NY)
September 5: holland (nijmegen/ utrecht)
September 6: belgium
September 7: northern france
September 8: france (bordeaux)
September 9: france (toulouse)
September 10: eastern france (lyon/ montpellier/ nancy)
September 11: italy (bologna)
September 12: italy (milano)
September 13: austria
September 14: austria
September 15: slovenia
September 16: slovenia
September 17: czech republic
September 18: germany
September 19: germany
September 20: germany
September 21 holland/ belgium/ germany
w/ Mose G.
October 2:Philidelphia, PA
October 3: Scranton/Wilkesbarre, PA
October 4: Binghamton, NY
October 5: Ithaca, NY
October 6: Rochester, NY
October 7: Syracuse, NY
October 8: Albany, NY
October 9: East Hampton, MA
October 10: Boston, MA
October 11: Portland, ME
October 12: Portsmouth, NH
October 13: Boston, MA
October 14: Providence, RI
October 15: Hartford, CT
October 16: New York, NY
October 17: Newark, NJ
October 18: Philadelphia, PA / Wilmington, DE
October 19: Philadelphia, PA / Wilmington, DE / Williamstown, NJ
October 23: Johnstown, PA
October 24: Morgantown, WV
October 25: Huntington, WV
October 26: Blacksburg, VA
October 27: Spartanburg, SC
October 28: Charleston, SC
October 29: Jacksonville, FL
October 30: Tampa, FL
October 31: the Fest 7
November 1: the Fest 7
November 2: the Fest 7
November 5: Sarasota, FL
November 6: Tallahassee, FL
November 7: Valdosta, GA
November 8: Atlanta, GA
November 12: August, GA
November 13: Wilmington, NC
November 14: Greenville, NC
November 15: Virginia Beach, VA
November 16: DC / Baltimore
August 27: Asbury Lanes (Asbury Park, N) philidelphia
August 28: Rochester, NY
August 29: New Brunswick, NY
August 30: Lost and Found Bar (Brooklyn, NY)
September 5: holland (nijmegen/ utrecht)
September 6: belgium
September 7: northern france
September 8: france (bordeaux)
September 9: france (toulouse)
September 10: eastern france (lyon/ montpellier/ nancy)
September 11: italy (bologna)
September 12: italy (milano)
September 13: austria
September 14: austria
September 15: slovenia
September 16: slovenia
September 17: czech republic
September 18: germany
September 19: germany
September 20: germany
September 21 holland/ belgium/ germany
w/ Mose G.
October 2:Philidelphia, PA
October 3: Scranton/Wilkesbarre, PA
October 4: Binghamton, NY
October 5: Ithaca, NY
October 6: Rochester, NY
October 7: Syracuse, NY
October 8: Albany, NY
October 9: East Hampton, MA
October 10: Boston, MA
October 11: Portland, ME
October 12: Portsmouth, NH
October 13: Boston, MA
October 14: Providence, RI
October 15: Hartford, CT
October 16: New York, NY
October 17: Newark, NJ
October 18: Philadelphia, PA / Wilmington, DE
October 19: Philadelphia, PA / Wilmington, DE / Williamstown, NJ
October 23: Johnstown, PA
October 24: Morgantown, WV
October 25: Huntington, WV
October 26: Blacksburg, VA
October 27: Spartanburg, SC
October 28: Charleston, SC
October 29: Jacksonville, FL
October 30: Tampa, FL
October 31: the Fest 7
November 1: the Fest 7
November 2: the Fest 7
November 5: Sarasota, FL
November 6: Tallahassee, FL
November 7: Valdosta, GA
November 8: Atlanta, GA
November 12: August, GA
November 13: Wilmington, NC
November 14: Greenville, NC
November 15: Virginia Beach, VA
November 16: DC / Baltimore
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
I leave for Philly on August 26th, and play shows with Jena Berlin from the 27th through the 31st. We fly into Amsterdam on September 4th, and then we are on tour in Europe till the 21. We get back into Philly on the 23rd, and then I was planning on flying back to ATL.
Mose Giganticus just asked me to play guitar on their fall tour leading up to the Fest and back to Philly...October 2nd through November 15. Matt said he'd like for me to come up to Philly in mid September to practice and bring my guitar rig. So, basically, that would mean coming home from Europe and then starting right off with Mose. Essentially, that would mean being on tour for two and a half months. That is something I have always wanted to do, but I have always wanted to do it with my band. Both of these are bands that I would just be a hired gun. But, if i remember correctly, Matt pays his hired guns, and I am getting a free trip to Europe from Jena Berlin.
What the fuck should I do? I mean, I am going to Europe, plane tickets are already purchased. Do I want to be gone for 81 days straight? the only reason I am not saying "fuck yes" is because these are not my bands. Benard has troubles doing anything in regards to touring, and Die Benny is sort of in the same boat with Nathan going back to school. I just feel like I put so much into both of these bands that being gone from them seems like something I shouldnt do, but, at the same time, it is very obvious that neither of my bands will be doing this. That is no one fault, in fact it is partially mine, because I have been gone so much this year. But, I am never as happy as I am when I am touring. I graduated college so I can do this music bullshit, and now I am in a situation where I can. Benard and Die Benny will always be there when I get back, right? I would have no problem with either band replacing me while I am gone. I dont want to quit. I just want to tour, goddammit.
Dont know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Mose Giganticus just asked me to play guitar on their fall tour leading up to the Fest and back to Philly...October 2nd through November 15. Matt said he'd like for me to come up to Philly in mid September to practice and bring my guitar rig. So, basically, that would mean coming home from Europe and then starting right off with Mose. Essentially, that would mean being on tour for two and a half months. That is something I have always wanted to do, but I have always wanted to do it with my band. Both of these are bands that I would just be a hired gun. But, if i remember correctly, Matt pays his hired guns, and I am getting a free trip to Europe from Jena Berlin.
What the fuck should I do? I mean, I am going to Europe, plane tickets are already purchased. Do I want to be gone for 81 days straight? the only reason I am not saying "fuck yes" is because these are not my bands. Benard has troubles doing anything in regards to touring, and Die Benny is sort of in the same boat with Nathan going back to school. I just feel like I put so much into both of these bands that being gone from them seems like something I shouldnt do, but, at the same time, it is very obvious that neither of my bands will be doing this. That is no one fault, in fact it is partially mine, because I have been gone so much this year. But, I am never as happy as I am when I am touring. I graduated college so I can do this music bullshit, and now I am in a situation where I can. Benard and Die Benny will always be there when I get back, right? I would have no problem with either band replacing me while I am gone. I dont want to quit. I just want to tour, goddammit.
Dont know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Sunday, June 1, 2008
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