Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
More Movie Bullshit
I need to get a life. Seriously.
If you have been reading this pedantic garbage I have been posting on hear this year (all none of you), then you might remember that not too long ago I posted a list of my 67 Favorite Films of the Past 67 Years. While I do really enjoy those 67 Films, they all pale in comparison to the following. What follows is, without question, the best piece of cinematic art to ever bestow the movie going public. At that film is....
Jerkbeast
I don't even really know how to describe it. When I was on tour with Worn in Red in Gainesville, Tony and Prat's roommate (I forgot his name) bestowed upon us Jerkbeast, the greatest film of the common era. The film documents the trials and tribulations of struggling punk band Steaming Wolf Penis as they rise to fame as the hottest band in America. With their hit song "Looks Like Chocolate, Tastes Like Shit," the band (complete with JerkBeast on drums), they became the best worst band in the history of the world.
Here is the trailer:
And, by the way, Steaming Wolf Penis is a real band. they Played South by Southwest last year. You can check out their songs here.
If you have been reading this pedantic garbage I have been posting on hear this year (all none of you), then you might remember that not too long ago I posted a list of my 67 Favorite Films of the Past 67 Years. While I do really enjoy those 67 Films, they all pale in comparison to the following. What follows is, without question, the best piece of cinematic art to ever bestow the movie going public. At that film is....
JerkbeastI don't even really know how to describe it. When I was on tour with Worn in Red in Gainesville, Tony and Prat's roommate (I forgot his name) bestowed upon us Jerkbeast, the greatest film of the common era. The film documents the trials and tribulations of struggling punk band Steaming Wolf Penis as they rise to fame as the hottest band in America. With their hit song "Looks Like Chocolate, Tastes Like Shit," the band (complete with JerkBeast on drums), they became the best worst band in the history of the world.
Here is the trailer:
And, by the way, Steaming Wolf Penis is a real band. they Played South by Southwest last year. You can check out their songs here.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Top 67 Films from the past 67 Years
I have realized that I like a lot of movies. I guess that is why I minored in film. I don’t know. Anyway. It seems as though arguing about the artistic merits of film is a lot less futile than arguing about music. Music is almost always a matter of taste; there is no defining quality as to what makes a good song. However, in film, it is a known fact that Citizen Kane is certainly a better film than Glitter. Some people may enjoy the latter more than the former, but I feel safe in saying that American Beauty is a much better film than Biodome. And I love Biodome. Great films are films the type of films that can be studied like literature, “favorite films” are the films you watch when you want to make out with someone.
So, anyway, below is my list of my 67 favorite films to come out in the past 67 years. I don’t know why I decided to pick 67 films from the past 67 years; I think there are only two films made before 1941 that I really enjoy (Modern Times and the Gold Rush, both fantastic Charlie Chaplin films). These are not what I would consider the 67 best films to come out in the past 67 years, because that would be a completely different list in general. Simply put, if I found myself in a situation where I owed a Russian mob a lot of money (which happens more often than you think[1]), and they tracked me down but were going to allow me to watch 67 films before they tossed me in a box, filled it with cement and drop me from a pier into the ocean[2], then these are the 67 films I would pick.
Notes where necessary, which turned out to be a lot more necessary than I anticipated, which means none of them are really that necessary.
67. Thank You For Smoking (2005)
66. Biodome (1996)
- IMDB users rate this film at 3.8 stars. That makes my heart break just a little.
65. Bicycle Thieves (1948)
- I would have placed it higher, because it is in fact a fucking fantastic film, but it is such a heart wrenching story that I cant watch it very often.
64. Mallrats (1995)
- Kind of between the “meh” and “eh” category
63. Seven (1995)
62. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
61. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
60. Matchstick Men (2003)
- This film made me realize that I could possibly have a daughter someday and life wouldn’t be so bad. However, it also made me distrust all women anywhere on the planet.
59. Halloween (2007 – The Rob Zombie Version)
- the first half is totally just great film, the second half is just a great slasher film. Good stuff.
58. the Birds (1963)
57. Batman Returns (1992)
- My second-least favorite Batman Film of all time is still only worse than 56 movies in my eyes. And that’s how I like the world to turn
56. Superman Return (2006)
- You know what was fucking bizarre in this film? The fact that Superman struggles to stop the plane from crashing at the beginning, but later carries a fucking mass of land this size of Rhode Island made out of kryptonite to outterspace.
55. Citizen Kane (1941)
- Orsen Wells made this film when he was 25. It was also his first film ever. At the age of 25 and on his first try, he created what is usually described as the best film ever. Fuck him.
54. Dirty Work (1998)
- that’s right, I would rather watch Dirty Work over Citizen Kane. Fucking sue me.
53. Vertigo (1958)
52. Dawn of the Dead
- Either version is fine. In fact, if the newer one didn’t have running zombies, I would have probably picked it over the original, but, it did, so I didn’t
51. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
50. Planet Terror (2007)
- I have a thing for zombie films that aren’t exactly zombie films. Having said that, I think 28 Days Later did it a lot better than Robert Rodriguez did.
49. The Departed (2006)
48. Major Leauge (1989)
- I was about to post this, and then realized I left this film out. So I took Midnight Cowboy out so I could squeeze it in. My film professor would kill me if knew that.
47. Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
46. Batman (1966)
- Probably a lot higher than it really should be
45. Garden State (2004)
- I think A lot of people like this film just cause they fell like they are suppose to.
44. Jaws (1975)
43. Catch me if You Can (2002)
42. Road to Perdition (2002)
- I got into an argument with a friend about how the ending to this film just seemed like a tried cliché. But, after taking a film noir class, it all made sense. Still...
41. Black Snake Moan (2007)
40. Black Sheep (1996)
- Obviously, I am talking about the Chris Farley / David Spade “classic.” Although I really think if I could get to it on my Netflix Queue, the 2006 New Zeleand Zombie-Sheep movie by the same title is just, it’s probably just fucking phenomenal.
39. Billy Madison (1995)
- Adam Sandler was once hilarious.
38. Frailty (2002)
- I would have preferred for this film to turn out that the dad was just fucking insane, but, you deal with what you get
37. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)
- I don’t feel I need to explain myself, really
36. The Devils Rejects (2005)
- I would say the best Slasher / Horror film ever. Unless I put another horror or slasher film higher on the list, that I have forgotten about. I guess that would be a better horror / slasher film.
35. Lost in Translation (2003)
- Read: Garden State. Although, the style of this filmmaking is unparalleled
34. High Noon (1952)
- John Wayne often called this an “un-American” film, which, in retrospect, makes this one of the most American films of all time.
33. Strangers on a Train (1951)
32. American Beauty (1999)
- Strictly for the work of the cinematography
31. Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)
- We watched this film in a class on independent cinema. When I heard we were watching a Woody Allen film, I thought we were just going to watch a campy, awkward romantic comedy. I didn’t anticipate the fucked up nature of this film.
30. The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946)
29. Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
- The fact that James Deen died by essentially living the Jim Stark lifestyle makes me love this film even more
28. Super Troopers (2002)
27. The Third Man (1949)
- The best British film ever. Which is sort of like being the fastest speed walker in the greater Tulsa, OK area
26 Big Fish (2003)
25. High Fidelity (2000)
- Oh shut the fuck up.
24. Rear Window (1954)
23. Groundhog Day (1993)
- If Bill Murrary was smart, he would have just bumped a couple lines of coke to insure that we would stay up alllllll night. And if he OD’ed, he could have just tried crack the next day. Which begs the question: would he wake up the next day an addict?
22. Pulp Fiction (1994)
21. BASEKetball (1998)
- Again, probably a lot higher than it should have been.
20. Fight Club (1999)
19. Eternal Sunshine (2004)
18. Stranger than Fiction (2006)
17. The Prestige (2006)
16. Batman Forever (1995)
15. 28 Days Later (2002)
- Better than Planet Terror.
14. Oceans Eleven (2001)
13. The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
- Although I could go the rest of my life without seeing another Tenenbaum inspired halloween costume and be alright.
12. Office Space (1999)
11. Batman (1989)
- I didn’t get gotham city tattooed on my chest and arm for nothin’
10. Shaun of the Dead (2004)
9. Dumb and Dumber (1994)
8. Double Indemnity (1944)
7. The Big Lebowski (1998)
- Frat Boys, Indie Scenesters, Jocks and, well, pretty much everyone else who has seen this movie, almost ruined it for me. If I hear “the Dude Abides” one ore time, I’ll probably kick the nearest dick, regardless of whether they said the aforementioned quote.
6. Psycho (1960)
5. Out of the Past (1947)
- I’d give up a big toe just to be Robert Mitchum for like, 15 minutes. No more than that though, because, well, I mean, he’s Robert Mitchum. I’m sure theres enough forign substances and STDs floating around that immune sustem that being him for more than 15 minutes is just exhausting. In fact, the fact that he lived so long should give us inspiration to look for the fountain of youth.
4. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)
3. North By Northwest (1959)
2. Lucky Number Slevin (2006)
- Its sort of like the modernized Hitchcock thriller. Watch North By Northwest and then watch this, and you will totally see what I mean. Also, this film pays great attention to image patterns and thematic elements that very much rival classic filmmaking, which is something I really like.
1. Batman Begins (2005)
- Does this really surprise anyone at all?
Decade Breakdown
1940’s: 6
1950’s: 6
1960’s: 5
1970’s: 1
1980’s: 2
1990’s: 17
2000’s: 28
There are tons of films that I know would probably bump some of these out, but, being the big hot-shot college graduate that I am, I have been way too busy being a big shot (read: sleeping) to watch some new flicks.
So, anyway, below is my list of my 67 favorite films to come out in the past 67 years. I don’t know why I decided to pick 67 films from the past 67 years; I think there are only two films made before 1941 that I really enjoy (Modern Times and the Gold Rush, both fantastic Charlie Chaplin films). These are not what I would consider the 67 best films to come out in the past 67 years, because that would be a completely different list in general. Simply put, if I found myself in a situation where I owed a Russian mob a lot of money (which happens more often than you think[1]), and they tracked me down but were going to allow me to watch 67 films before they tossed me in a box, filled it with cement and drop me from a pier into the ocean[2], then these are the 67 films I would pick.
Notes where necessary, which turned out to be a lot more necessary than I anticipated, which means none of them are really that necessary.
67. Thank You For Smoking (2005)
66. Biodome (1996)
- IMDB users rate this film at 3.8 stars. That makes my heart break just a little.
65. Bicycle Thieves (1948)
- I would have placed it higher, because it is in fact a fucking fantastic film, but it is such a heart wrenching story that I cant watch it very often.
64. Mallrats (1995)
- Kind of between the “meh” and “eh” category
63. Seven (1995)
62. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
61. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
60. Matchstick Men (2003)
- This film made me realize that I could possibly have a daughter someday and life wouldn’t be so bad. However, it also made me distrust all women anywhere on the planet.
59. Halloween (2007 – The Rob Zombie Version)
- the first half is totally just great film, the second half is just a great slasher film. Good stuff.
58. the Birds (1963)
57. Batman Returns (1992)
- My second-least favorite Batman Film of all time is still only worse than 56 movies in my eyes. And that’s how I like the world to turn
56. Superman Return (2006)
- You know what was fucking bizarre in this film? The fact that Superman struggles to stop the plane from crashing at the beginning, but later carries a fucking mass of land this size of Rhode Island made out of kryptonite to outterspace.
55. Citizen Kane (1941)
- Orsen Wells made this film when he was 25. It was also his first film ever. At the age of 25 and on his first try, he created what is usually described as the best film ever. Fuck him.
54. Dirty Work (1998)
- that’s right, I would rather watch Dirty Work over Citizen Kane. Fucking sue me.
53. Vertigo (1958)
52. Dawn of the Dead
- Either version is fine. In fact, if the newer one didn’t have running zombies, I would have probably picked it over the original, but, it did, so I didn’t
51. The Maltese Falcon (1941)
50. Planet Terror (2007)
- I have a thing for zombie films that aren’t exactly zombie films. Having said that, I think 28 Days Later did it a lot better than Robert Rodriguez did.
49. The Departed (2006)
48. Major Leauge (1989)
- I was about to post this, and then realized I left this film out. So I took Midnight Cowboy out so I could squeeze it in. My film professor would kill me if knew that.
47. Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
46. Batman (1966)
- Probably a lot higher than it really should be
45. Garden State (2004)
- I think A lot of people like this film just cause they fell like they are suppose to.
44. Jaws (1975)
43. Catch me if You Can (2002)
42. Road to Perdition (2002)
- I got into an argument with a friend about how the ending to this film just seemed like a tried cliché. But, after taking a film noir class, it all made sense. Still...
41. Black Snake Moan (2007)
40. Black Sheep (1996)
- Obviously, I am talking about the Chris Farley / David Spade “classic.” Although I really think if I could get to it on my Netflix Queue, the 2006 New Zeleand Zombie-Sheep movie by the same title is just, it’s probably just fucking phenomenal.
39. Billy Madison (1995)
- Adam Sandler was once hilarious.
38. Frailty (2002)
- I would have preferred for this film to turn out that the dad was just fucking insane, but, you deal with what you get
37. Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)
- I don’t feel I need to explain myself, really
36. The Devils Rejects (2005)
- I would say the best Slasher / Horror film ever. Unless I put another horror or slasher film higher on the list, that I have forgotten about. I guess that would be a better horror / slasher film.
35. Lost in Translation (2003)
- Read: Garden State. Although, the style of this filmmaking is unparalleled
34. High Noon (1952)
- John Wayne often called this an “un-American” film, which, in retrospect, makes this one of the most American films of all time.
33. Strangers on a Train (1951)
32. American Beauty (1999)
- Strictly for the work of the cinematography
31. Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)
- We watched this film in a class on independent cinema. When I heard we were watching a Woody Allen film, I thought we were just going to watch a campy, awkward romantic comedy. I didn’t anticipate the fucked up nature of this film.
30. The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946)
29. Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
- The fact that James Deen died by essentially living the Jim Stark lifestyle makes me love this film even more
28. Super Troopers (2002)
27. The Third Man (1949)
- The best British film ever. Which is sort of like being the fastest speed walker in the greater Tulsa, OK area
26 Big Fish (2003)
25. High Fidelity (2000)
- Oh shut the fuck up.
24. Rear Window (1954)
23. Groundhog Day (1993)
- If Bill Murrary was smart, he would have just bumped a couple lines of coke to insure that we would stay up alllllll night. And if he OD’ed, he could have just tried crack the next day. Which begs the question: would he wake up the next day an addict?
22. Pulp Fiction (1994)
21. BASEKetball (1998)
- Again, probably a lot higher than it should have been.
20. Fight Club (1999)
19. Eternal Sunshine (2004)
18. Stranger than Fiction (2006)
17. The Prestige (2006)
16. Batman Forever (1995)
15. 28 Days Later (2002)
- Better than Planet Terror.
14. Oceans Eleven (2001)
13. The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
- Although I could go the rest of my life without seeing another Tenenbaum inspired halloween costume and be alright.
12. Office Space (1999)
11. Batman (1989)
- I didn’t get gotham city tattooed on my chest and arm for nothin’
10. Shaun of the Dead (2004)
9. Dumb and Dumber (1994)
8. Double Indemnity (1944)
7. The Big Lebowski (1998)
- Frat Boys, Indie Scenesters, Jocks and, well, pretty much everyone else who has seen this movie, almost ruined it for me. If I hear “the Dude Abides” one ore time, I’ll probably kick the nearest dick, regardless of whether they said the aforementioned quote.
6. Psycho (1960)
5. Out of the Past (1947)
- I’d give up a big toe just to be Robert Mitchum for like, 15 minutes. No more than that though, because, well, I mean, he’s Robert Mitchum. I’m sure theres enough forign substances and STDs floating around that immune sustem that being him for more than 15 minutes is just exhausting. In fact, the fact that he lived so long should give us inspiration to look for the fountain of youth.
4. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)
3. North By Northwest (1959)
2. Lucky Number Slevin (2006)
- Its sort of like the modernized Hitchcock thriller. Watch North By Northwest and then watch this, and you will totally see what I mean. Also, this film pays great attention to image patterns and thematic elements that very much rival classic filmmaking, which is something I really like.
1. Batman Begins (2005)
- Does this really surprise anyone at all?
Decade Breakdown
1940’s: 6
1950’s: 6
1960’s: 5
1970’s: 1
1980’s: 2
1990’s: 17
2000’s: 28
There are tons of films that I know would probably bump some of these out, but, being the big hot-shot college graduate that I am, I have been way too busy being a big shot (read: sleeping) to watch some new flicks.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Precious Slut Tattoo
WOULDN'T want to get tattooed there.
Sent via iPhone
Friday, February 8, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
Friday, February 1, 2008
Otis Smalls
I know I am not the only person on the planet to ever lose their dog. Since this past august, I have been working very hard on the way I deal with tragedy, despair, and generally bad situations. The last time a girl broke something off with me, I generally acted like I was the only person in the history of all relationships to have something like that happen; these things happen every day, though. I don’t want to go off on a tangent about how no one understands how it feels, because I know people know how terrible it feels to have a pet die an untimely death. Everyone deals with tragedy and despair and situations that feel like your heart is literally breaking in two. That last sentence is essentially the definition of “being alive.”
But I punched a wall today. The last time I have punched a wall was in May when my bands van got broken into. This is a very stupid thing to do, I agree, but, for the longest time, in a situation such as this (or the aforementioned burglary of our van), Punching something was the only way to make me feel something other than whatever exploding emotion I was feeling at the time. My old bedroom had three separate holes from where I had put my fist through the drywall. But aside from the previously mentioned May situation, I havent done anything like this; for about the past 4 years, my knuckles have remained relatively bruise free.
Otis Smalls was my new way of dealing with the hardships of life. I am not kidding when I say that I do not think I have loved anything on this earth as much as I loved that dog. Because Otis loved me, I know he did. He always knew when something was wrong, and was always there to tumble on the floor with me, or just lick my face when I had a rough day. When a girl situation would arise, I would just lay on the couch next to my little buddy. He was always there for me. I know some people just don’t get the connection other have with their dogs, and, I guess they never will. Because I would have seriously sacrificed a toe on each foot and my right pinky finger for all of Otis’ health troubles to go away. He was the constant companionship that every person looks for in life; there was never a time when Otis wasn’t excited to see me or my mom or my dad and just thrilled to be alive. Every day that he was awake he acted like it was the best day of his life, which was something I envied. Seeing his tongue fall out of his mouth with that goofy smile he had as he played tug-of-war or sat in the front seat of the car going for a ride was all the escape I needed from everything wretched in this wretched world.
But now he is gone and I am left punching walls.
03/2004 - 02/01/2008
So long, my Little Guy.
But I punched a wall today. The last time I have punched a wall was in May when my bands van got broken into. This is a very stupid thing to do, I agree, but, for the longest time, in a situation such as this (or the aforementioned burglary of our van), Punching something was the only way to make me feel something other than whatever exploding emotion I was feeling at the time. My old bedroom had three separate holes from where I had put my fist through the drywall. But aside from the previously mentioned May situation, I havent done anything like this; for about the past 4 years, my knuckles have remained relatively bruise free.
Otis Smalls was my new way of dealing with the hardships of life. I am not kidding when I say that I do not think I have loved anything on this earth as much as I loved that dog. Because Otis loved me, I know he did. He always knew when something was wrong, and was always there to tumble on the floor with me, or just lick my face when I had a rough day. When a girl situation would arise, I would just lay on the couch next to my little buddy. He was always there for me. I know some people just don’t get the connection other have with their dogs, and, I guess they never will. Because I would have seriously sacrificed a toe on each foot and my right pinky finger for all of Otis’ health troubles to go away. He was the constant companionship that every person looks for in life; there was never a time when Otis wasn’t excited to see me or my mom or my dad and just thrilled to be alive. Every day that he was awake he acted like it was the best day of his life, which was something I envied. Seeing his tongue fall out of his mouth with that goofy smile he had as he played tug-of-war or sat in the front seat of the car going for a ride was all the escape I needed from everything wretched in this wretched world.
But now he is gone and I am left punching walls.
03/2004 - 02/01/2008
So long, my Little Guy.
About Burritos
to live. And while I am the latter, this is an example of the good
kind if burrito
Sent via iPhone
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)